Let me say this, when I walked off the plane in Sydney, I was welcomed with something I missed. Cool fucking temperature. I am talking like amazing 60 degree weather from SF weather. It was amazing and like the most perfect,” good morning” I could ask for.
Have I mentioned why Delta and I are no longer fighting? Well I got on the phone with someone from Delta and told him my plight of the night before (HERE) and not to mention, when I showed up at LAX I found out that they had issued me a middle seat. A middle seat for 14 hours. fuck that. so I called… I brought all I could to the performance. it paid off. Within 20 minutes, I was in Business Class. Have you ever taken business class for 14 hours? Well, neither have I. And truth be told I couldn’t tell you what it was like, since I slept 9 straight hours of that flight. Lovely. Like a handjob burrito.
So when I got to Sydney, I got a call from my buddy Geoff, who I am staying with. He was slurring his words and speaking in what I thought was some strange aboriginal language. Actually he had just gotten off of work and was still completely hammered. Ha.
I am staying in a nice area called Balmine. It’s kind of like Park Slope, really nice and cute with no fast way to get there. It’s like a 20 dollar cab ride and one bus that brings you here.
Sydney is beautiful. It is sort of a mix between San Francisco and London, or Maybe Stockholm. Lots of water, lots of bridges and tons of hills. Tons of seafood too.
I dropped Geoff off and then proceeded downtown, which I later found out isn’t really called downtown but the center city. Semantics…
The Opera House, is as expected, pretty beautiful and stunning, the weather didn’t hurt it either. I did a little video on my phone and if I can I will upload it.
I tried the local energy drink called E or some shit. A picture will be attached eventually. It tasted like green apples and made my ears hurt. I’d try it again.
Then I proceeded to walk all around this city. I swear must have done 5 km. *a little metric joke there. took about 200 pictures.
So far I have had a traditional Australian b’fast which mostly was a traditional English b’fast. Some octopus and fries for lunch. And for dinner some bar good which was called Potato Wedges but it was really just french fries with a sweet chili sauce and sour cream.
things I have noticed..
a. australians are not scared of dumb hats. lots of dumb friggin outback hats.
b. there are a ton of strange birds around. things I don’t even know if they’re birds or not. i have a picture of this huge beaked bird about an inch from my camera. I think he was telling me something.
c. there’s definitely a version of bridge and tunnel in sydney. I have to find out what they’re called.
d. my friend Geoff swears that my “eyes will get sunburned”. maybe he was drunk or maybe things really do work differently down here.
before I really start writing about my trip about sydney (right now I am writing this from the “customs house” in sydney, look it up.)..
let me tell you that Delta and I have made up in a big way.
more on that soon.
I am alive and awake in Australia. so far, I ate baked beans for breakfast, took pictures of the opera house and tried an Australian energy drink (a tradition since Korea)..
ill be writing soon..
I have been in Sydney for almost 6 hours and the best thing that has happened to me already, is my buddy Geoff coming to pick me up in the morning at 7a completely wasted from the night before ..
he could barely speak. haha. welcome to australia.
can explain how frustrated I get when I travel and bad things happen.
I am so tired of being upset that I am drained of all wit, humor and venom.
I will say that I was ( ) this close to grabbing someone over the counter at the Delta baggage claim area and fucking this woman’s face with my fist.
it goes like this…
a. I arrive 2 hours early to catch my 635p flight to LAX. I have approximately 30 minutes between landing in LAX and changing planes to go to Sydney.
b. I wait.
c. I get on the plane on time. It feels lovely to start the flight. I sit on the plane for 20 minutes. The pilot tells us that he has “some good news and some bad news.” Never a good sign, if I am on board.
Remember this part for later, it’s important. He tells us that only one of the bathrooms is broken and he couldn’t possibly have us fly across the country with having only one bathroom. (They do think it’s alright to have not offer us one piece of free food within that flight, or give us individual tv’s.) The good news is that even though we’re scheduled for a 6 hour flight, he can get us there in 5. So, we can at least waste 45 trying to fix the bathroom without us losing any time.
d. I wait. 45 mins. The pilot comes on and tells us we can get off the plane if we want to stretch our legs. Hmmm, that’s a new one.
e. I get off of the plane. It has now been an hour and half, which means I have already officially missed my flight. This is not a good moment for me.
f. 2 hours pass. We wait for a new plane. This is no longer funny.
g. We get a new gate and a new plane. We board.
h. We sit some more. He tells us that we need the proper paperwork for us to fly away. I was wondering if a napkin with the words “GO FUCK YOURSELF” will work. I am betting it doesn’t.
i. We then taxi for… 35 minutes. It has been 4 hours and ten minutes since my original flight was supposed to take off. Then the pilot comes on and says the absolute best / fakest enthusiast thing I have ever heard. “Just to let you know, we have been able to shave about 16 minutes off the flight, so we will make it there in 4 hours and 50 minutes now.”
really? who over the age of 15 months would be excited about this news? you mean, now I am only going to be 3 hours and 42 minutes late for my 14 hour flight to Australia? YIPPEEESS!
j. we take off. I curse the skies. I often wonder if I somehow got out of a plane that crashed and as a result destiny has been forever punishing me over and over with this incredible bullshit.. I am living the Final Destination movies over and over. Wash Rinse Delayed Repeat.
k. I land. I watched Star Trek. Still a fine movie as far as I am concerned. Rent it if you haven’t seen it.
l. I leave and get on line to find out what my options are. PS. If you don’t know it already. I hate LA. Sorry. I do. My options are this.. I HAVE NONE. I have to wait till 10p on Friday for the one and only flight to sydney. Period. that’s it. sorry. Oh yeah, here’s a hotel. this is also funny. they give us three meal vouchers. one is dinner, however, our check out time is 2p. um. so ? can I get that cordon bleu to go?
m. i go and pick up my baggage and my bag is WIDE OPEN. literally, my zipper is broken and three of my outside pockets are EMPTY. I go and talk to the baggage people, they tell me if TSA has been involved, they aren’t responsible for what is done to the bag. SO here I am, my bag is ripped, filthy and missing shit and this woman is telling me, NO ONE is accountable for it. What is this, the Bush administration?
n. Let’s end it here. I call delta. I bitch and bitch till they give me 200 dollars in a travel voucher and I am stealing internet from a nearby La Quinta.
The bathrooms may or may not be broken on this flight.
Welcome to my flying karma.
In a past lifetime or maybe as a small child, I must have shit on a very mean and very old and extremely vengeful gypsy’s lap. Cause my flying karma isn’t the best.
Good news, there’s no personal tvs on this 6 hour flight and no free meals.
So must of us who read this site know what trouble I get into when I enter an airport..
So with that being said, let’s keep our fingers crossed that this one goes smoothly.
I skip over tomorrow, Friday August 28th, 2009. It does not exist. I am excited about it cause this will be the second time in my life I have time traveled.
I apologize to anyone who has a birthday tomorrow. I will officially won’t be able to celebrate. However, if your birthday is September 9th, I will be re-doing that day twice. So happy birthday twice to you.
